How To Handle Being the “Other Woman” In Your Boyfriend’s Bromance

How to Handle being the other woman in your boyfriend's bromance

When you start dating someone, I suppose it’s probably a good idea to make sure they’re not married (that’s what I’ve learned from movies, at least). I was in high school and so was Brandon when we started dating, so I assumed he wasn’t. Pretty safe assumption, you’d think.

The thing is, he never told me he was basically married…to his best friend. And that is how I became the other woman.

You don’t get how serious I am unless you’ve met the two of them. They refer to their relationship as a “bro-marriage” (They both claim to be the husband, but call each other the wife) and they’re not really kidding. Both of them know absolutely everything about the other, and they’ve been together longer than most romantic couples I know.

If you’ve ever seen an episode of Cheaters, you can probably imagine how the first few months of our relationship played out.

It was like the confrontation part of every episode, minus the profanity and the physical violence. I was the trashy “other woman” and Brandon’s best friend was the woman scorned, calling me every name in the book, while Brandon was the guy in the middle yelling “But baby, I still love you!”

…Okay…I’m being dramatic. But it was really hard for Brandon’s best friend to adjust to the idea that I wasn’t going anywhere.

Brandon calls it “that period in time when we (me and the BFF) didn’t like each other” but I think more accurately it was “that period in time when I desperately tried to get him to like me and he was determined to still not like me because I was stealing his bro-wife/bro-husband” (I still don’t get how that works).

I didn’t think his best friend/bro-partner would ever be convinced that I wasn’t so bad, but over time we learned to get along, and eventually *gasp* actually like each other, or rather, he learned to like me. Now we are like one big dysfunctional love triangle, like if Bill and Hillary moved Monica into the White House and gave her a nice guest room. We’re living the dream, really.

Getting along with the best friend/bromestic partner is a crucial part of any relationship, and through my experience I learned a few things about how to balance getting time with your boyfriend while still allowing him to spend time with his friends…and making sure his friends actually like you, which is important if you plan on sticking around for awhile.

1. Never, ever try to separate him from his best friend.
You knew going into this that he and his best friend were a package deal. If you have a genuine problem with his bff, approach him about it, but don’t make him pick between the two of you, because he probably won’t pick you. The old adage “bros before hoes” applies.

2. Encourage bro time.
As much as your boyfriend loves spending time with you, he also likes his bro time, too. It’s important for him to feel like he can take that time to unwind and enjoy his friends. During that whole “we didn’t like each other” period, I was very aware of how much time Brandon was spending with me as opposed to his best friend, and I tried to encourage him to take time with his friends. It helped show both him and his best friend that I understood that their time together was important.

3. Be willing to be a bro sometimes.
If you’re planning on being a part of your significant other’s life, that life involves his bros. Sometimes the best way to earn his friends’ respect is to become a bro, just for a day. Hang out with them while they’re watching the game or join them for golf or whatever they do. A natural part of deepening your relationship with someone is to eventually be able to merge your social lives. You should be comfortable around his friends, and step one of that is making the effort to get to know them in their natural habitat.

Have you ever had trouble with the best friend?

Xoxo, Taylor

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11 thoughts on “How To Handle Being the “Other Woman” In Your Boyfriend’s Bromance

  1. Love this! It’s so important to have a healthy balance between friendships and relationships, and it’s difficult to do it! You seem very level headed and aware of that, though, so good job!

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  2. My man’s best friend was like that and I tagged along and played the bro role a lot but I encouraged his friendship. Then when BFF got a girlfriend he literally disappeared I feel so bad for my BF hes heartbroken.

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  3. great post! my bf has his best friend and sometimes i feel left out, but i always encourage him to go with his friend and i even watch a world cup game with them, and it was fun!
    xo
    Orly
    coffeebeansandhighheels.weebly.com

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  4. Oh my gosh I never heard of a bro-marriage, but it’s kind of hilarious! I have sort of had a situation like that happen, except it was me and my best friend (she’s my person!), and when my boyfriend came into my life then it was a bit weird because I liked her more than I liked him and it sort of showed sadly. I think it must have been hard for him (or even for my best friend), but they’ve been so great and both became friends. It helps now that I live in a different country than my best friend, but I guess it’s getting to that stage where you are in love with your significant other and really care about them. In the dating stage it’s hard but it’s great to see it develop. I later discovered he was kind of the same with his own best friend, they go on ‘dates’ together lol but I was quickly introduced to him and he’s great! I definitely think it’s best to have good relationships with friends of your bf/gf while I don’t think it’s necessary, I think if you love them you will probably also love that other person in their life.

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    • That’s great that you were able to make it work! And I agree with you – you usually do love that other person in their life. At first, as I said in the post, my boyfriend’s best friend and I butted heads a little, but he is actually a really sweet guy and I am so glad that he is in both of our lives.

      Thanks so much for reading and sharing your own story!

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  6. I’ve never heard this kinda friendship bond between guys, I thought this was only us girls! And I must say you’re doing it great, giving him time to spend with his bff and not being the rude gf 🙂

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  7. I’ve definitely had to get used to the bro-marriage thing – they’re inseperable! Luckily the bro has a girlfriend, which makes it a bit easier, but she does live away so sometimes he has lots of spare time that he likes to fill with my boyfriend’s company! It took a while but I have started being a bro, we all hang out together and we’re even going travelling together too! If you can’t beat um’ (which, like you say, you won’t) join um! x

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    • Sounds like you’ve got it all figured out! I think that one of the biggest mistake girls make is taking a “It’s me or him” mindset which never works out. Good for you for figuring out how you can all be friends! Thanks for reading 🙂

      Xoxo
      Taylor

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