Taylor’s Guide To Chipping Away At Your Self-Esteem and Turning Into a Ball of Worry

I have a lot of talents. Well, that’s not true. I have a lot of things I consider talents, like drinking liquids incredibly quickly and remembering the lyrics to almost every song I’ve ever heard. I also have the talent of worrying. Yes, I am an expert. You name something, I’ve worried about it. Just last week, I was worrying about how I’m going to work my baby weight off…and I’m not pregnant. I am a grade-A worrier.

Are you jealous of my worrying power? Would you like to worry about everything and feel certain about nothing? It might not be marketable on a resume, but I can teach you how to become stressed and unsure of yourself in just a few simple steps!

1. Always assume everyone is doing the thing you want to do. This is a simple one for beginners. Whenever you begin to comfort yourself by thinking that other people don’t have 4.0 GPAs, think again. Tell yourself that EVERYONE in the world is succeeding, but you. Everyone else can get into Harvard. Everyone else looks great in a bikini. This simple change in thought will immediately send you into questioning everything about yourself, because if everyone else can do it, what the heck is wrong with you?

2. Become distressed about things you didn’t do and never wanted to do. This one is key. There are so many people out there in the world doing things better and faster than you. Some of these things you probably had never thought to do. Once you hear about them, that makes them prime material for worrying and disappointment. An 11-year-old climbed Mount Everest? There’s a great place to start! Immediately become distressed about the fact you never ventured to do it. Do you hate rock climbing? Stew about it anyway! Find sadness in the fact that you never even thought to design a microchip at the age of 10, and someone else did. It’s that simple!

3. If you’re not catastrophizing, you’re doing it wrong. Always assume the worst-case scenario. Link every minor potential mishap to the end result of you living in an old cardboard box down by the river, and you’ll find yourself overreacting to even the smallest misfortunes with ease.

4. Set unrealistic and unachievable goals. One of the things we worry about most naturally are our goals. Am I going to make as much money as I’d hoped to in 10 years? Am I going to get the grades I wanted? These thoughts can easily be transformed into worry material, by setting unrealistic goals. The starting salary for your profession, for example, might be $60K. You should shoot for making two million by your second year out of college. Or you’re naturally a size 10, and everyone in your family is curvy. You should definitely shoot for being a size zero by spring break, even though it’s likely that that’s physically impossible. These unrealistic goals will have you worrying about how you’re going to achieve them in no time!

5. Compare yourself to EVERYONE. I’ve touched on this before, but one of the best ways to throw yourself into a fit of worrying is to stop focusing on yourself and start focusing on everyone else. What is she wearing that you don’t have? What is he doing that you haven’t? How much money are they making? Is it more than you? Questions like these will help you to lose your sense of uniqueness and feel like an average Joe with no real talents before you know it.

If you follow these simple steps, I guarantee that in just five minutes, you’ll be less relaxed, more stressed, and even less prepared to take on the world.

How do you turn yourself into a big ball of worry? Are your tendencies to worry as unrealistic and silly as mine?

Xoxo, Taylor

Life Lessons From Tiny Taylor

WARNING: Adorable baby/toddler pictures to follow.

If you didn’t see my first post on fashion tips from Tiny Taylor, quit everything you are doing and go there now. The whole post is just an excuse for me to share a bunch of super-cute photos from my childhood. So is this post.

Tiny Taylor may have been confused about a lot of things in life, but there were a couple of things she got right.

1. Always act like a lady.

Toddler Taylor Dressed Up

You must always sit prim and proper. Also, if your outfit matches your couch, that’s a bonus.

Toddler Taylor Dressed Up For Easter

A true lady always wears a hat.

2. Know how to defend yourself.

Taylor At Karate Class

This was one of the rare times where I wasn’t staring at myself in the dojo mirrors.

3. You are never too curvy to rock a bikini.

Toddler Taylor And Her Sister At the Pool

Look out, swimwear models.

4. Never be afraid to be glamorous, even when others might deem it inappropriate. (Like at the pool.)

Toddler Taylor Wearing a Sailor Outfit

“Sailor chic” is a thing.

Taylor and Dad At the Pool

I was literally too cool for school. I wish I were this glam now.

5. Life is never too hectic for naptime, wherever it might occur.

Baby Taylor Napping

Like on the floor.

Toddler Taylor Napping in a Suitcase

Or in a suitcase.

6. Don’t be afraid to wear provocative sayings on your clothing. Express yo’self.

Baby Taylor Wearing A "Spit Happens" Bib

Keeping it sassy since the early 90’s.

7. It’s important to love one’s country.

Toddler Taylor Holding An American Flag

YAY AMERICAN FLAG

8. When in doubt, eat the cake.

Baby Taylor Eating Cake

I loved cake from a young age.

Toddler Taylor On Her Birthday With Cake

Do you know how many cake pictures I found of myself? It’s almost upsetting.

Baby Taylor With Her Face Covered In Cake

I even wore cake as an accessory.

Todder Taylor Eating Her Sister's Birthday Cake

And here is me (in the red) eating my baby sister’s birthday cake with my face #noshame

9. Never hesitate to get excited about the small things in life, like bath time, bike helmets, time with friends, and pretty flowers.

Toddler Taylor At Bathtime

Omg it’s bathtime! This is awesome!

Toddler Taylor Excitedly Wearing a Bike Helmet

LOOK AT THIS BIKE HELMET!!!

Taylor and Her Friend

I’M WITH MY FRIEND PLAYING THIS IS UNREAL

Toddler Taylor Excited About a Flower

A FLOWER WHAT HERE IT IS MIND BLOWN

10. Swag. Always.

Baby Taylor's Swag Face

What are your favorite photos of yourself during your childhood? Go to my Facebook page and share them on P&L’s wall, if you’re brave enough!

Xoxo, Taylor