I Was Completely Wrong About Being a Grown-Up

When I was a kid, the world looked completely different through my eyes. My eyes, sadly, were not much lower to the ground than they are now, so literally it looked about the same, but that’s besides the point. Figuratively, the world looked completely different. Also, I was wrong about a lot of things.

-When I was little, I thought that you couldn’t kiss someone unless you were in a relationship with them. I would watch movies and see actors kissing and wonder how that was supposed to work, since they were often married to other people. I deduced that the only reasonable way this could work was that actors put a piece of plastic or something between their lips, so they weren’t really kissing. I always looked for it when I watched movies. No, I was not sheltered. Yes, I was lacking in common sense.

-I thought that writing a check allowed you to avoid paying money, like an IOU. I always wondered how Mom got away with that all the time. I also thought it was super awesome, and wondered why everyone didn’t use checks. Good thing I figured this out before I had my own bank account.

-I thought that I’d know how to do more things by the time I was 20 (I’m months away) like curl my own hair, have self-control when eating pull-and-peel Twizzlers, and have a conversation with other people without saying at least one thing I regret later. I was, as it turns out, completely incorrect.

-I thought I’d be taller by now. Enough said.

-I thought that 20 was super old, mainly because there was a bank commercial that played often, featuring a little girl talking about growing up. The last few lines were “..when you’re 19, you get glasses, and when you’re 20? That’s when you’re OLD.” I’m almost 20 and I don’t have glasses, nor do I feel in any way like I am capable of being an adult.

-I thought that being the guy who mixed paint colors at Home Depot was the coolest job ever. I have no idea why. It just seemed fun to press all the buttons on the paint mixer machine.

-I thought that being the first female president would be cool, like if I got bored doing whatever else I was doing. I didn’t really realize you have to have some sort of background in public policy, millions of dollars to campaign, and be tall enough to see over a podium. My bad.

-I thought I would marry my junior-high crush, because the selection of men in junior high was apparently all the men I would ever meet ever. I also thought of love as “picking someone.” I didn’t realize mutuality was involved. Surprisingly, I didn’t ever go all “Misery” on someone and lock them in my house or anything. You can even ask Brandon…he’s totally with me by his own choice, though I don’t know if he always wants to admit that.

-I thought that we had two separate stomachs, one for dinner and one for dessert. Okay, I didn’t actually think this. I just used it as an excuse to be full of dinner but still get dessert. I still use that excuse.

What misconceptions did you have about the world as a child?

Xoxo, Taylor