I was blessed with the chance to be a bridesmaid in a close friend’s wedding this weekend. As I’ve just reached the age where your friends start to get married, this whole wedding/bridesmaid business was pretty new to me. During this bridal adventure, I learned a couple things about high heels, dress sizes, pirate weddings, and more.
- Weddings are the best kind of parties to have. You get to hang out with your favoritest person and be as obnoxiously cutesy as you want with each other, people bring you fun gifts, and there is always dancing, cake, and good food.
- Lingerie shopping in a small town is awful. It is about impossible to make it from the intimates aisle at Target to the check-out without one of your elementary school teachers seeing you carrying something that is 90% lace and 100% see-through.
- Lingerie shopping for the bachelorette party is the one time where “It’s for a friend” is actually true but no one will ever believe you.
- You know when you see chairs all nicely lined up in rows at the church? I always assumed there was some sort of machine that did that or something. Turns out, you have to do it by hand. It’s harder than it looks, people. Believe me.
- If you let your boyfriend and family sit together during the reception while you’re with the wedding party, they will plot against you and decide that you are having a pirate-themed wedding, despite all prior complaints about the idea of parrots and eye patches.
- As a bride, you have to make tons of decisions, most of which aren’t really that fun.
- Being in a wedding apparently gives everyone a free pass to blatantly ask you why you’re not married yet/when you’re getting married. If I were single, this would be sad. Since I’m taken, it’s just weird.
- Dress manufacturers are awful people who want you to feel bad. They size bridesmaid dresses about three dress sizes smaller than they are supposed to be. Also, no one will bother to tell you this, so there will inevitably be crying when the dress lady tells you they’re ordering you a size 16 dress and you normally wear a 10.
- As Brandon so eloquently put it, “Your main job as a bridesmaid is to cry…a lot.” I am apparently excellent at this.
- Even venturing to think about your own wedding will make you cry more.
- High heels will never be comfortable, even if you put like fifty different Dr. Scholls insoles in them.
- Said high heels will make walking in a straight line down an aisle seem like an Olympic sport.
- Writing your own vows is adorable if you are good at putting your feelings into words. If you can end them with “…even when you’re old, senile, and smelly,” and your bride laughs, you’re golden.
- Catching the bouquet is serious business. If you aren’t playing it like a Black Friday shopper elbowing someone in the nose for a DVD player, you’re doing it wrong.
- Catching the garter is serious business, but only because every man standing up there appears as if he is waiting to receiving a death sentence, not a lacy ring of elastic.
- If you have short arms and your groom does not, you are highly disadvantaged during the part of the wedding where you smoosh cake in each other’s faces. I have short arms. I will be wearing more cake than I will get to smoosh.
- Weddings are still fun even if you can’t eat any cake because you have a stupid gallbladder.
What do you think of weddings? Have you ever been in one?
PS – I’m getting my gallbladder surgery today – Wish me luck! Because of that, I’ll probably be absent from the blogging world for a bit. I hope to return after all of this mess is over and get back to posting daily.