Someday, far, far in the future, I’ll hopefully have a daughter. When she’s young, I’ll teach her to be independent, confident, and driven. I’ll teach her that she can do anything she wants in life. I’ll make sure she knows she is intelligent, beautiful, and loved. Eventually, she’ll become a junior high girl, and she’ll start becoming interested in guys. And at some point the day will come where we’ll end up sitting down and talking about relationships and love. And if I’ve taught my daughter to be a strong young woman as I hope to, I know how the conversation will go.
She’ll come to me, discouraged. “Why am I still single?” she’ll ask. And I’ll tell her what I think so many young girls today (and older ones too!) need to be told.
You are not the problem. Do you understand that? It has nothing to do with how pretty, smart, or lovable you are or are not. It isn’t that guys aren’t interested. You’re actual date material, and that’s exactly why you’re still single.
You are still single because the guys you are currently surrounded with are immature. They want popularity and an ego boost: they want a girl who doesn’t challenge them, doesn’t compete with them, and make them look good. They want whatever their guy friends will be impressed with. They want the girl with the largest chest, the most scandalous relationship history. And the shy ones don’t have the maturity to act on their feelings.
Because you are independent and strong, you’re a challenge. You’re not fling material. You’re the kind of girl that will make him think. You’ll question his decisions. You’ll be better than him at some things. A guy who is ready for a real relationship will find you a catch. He will want to be challenged. He’ll be secure enough in himself to not just accept the fact that you’re better at things, but to be proud of you. The fact that no one so far has approached you says nothing about you and everything about the men around you.
I know this doesn’t seem encouraging. I know it doesn’t help you feel any less lonely. It doesn’t keep you from doubting yourself. I understand, I’ve been there. I know the feeling of watching couples form among your peers and listening to your friends talk about their own romances and wondering if any of that maturity stuff is true. If guys ever really do snap out of it. And if they do, if you’ll actually be what they’ll want.
But rest assured, you’ll be saved the heartbreak. While those around you are in relationships and you aren’t, you have the opportunity to sit back and learn. Observe. See what works and what doesn’t, what you like and what you don’t. Think of this not as a time of “not being chosen” but as a time of “not having made a choice.” Because it is your choice, after all. You choose who is worthy of dating you, regardless of who’s decided you’re worthy of dating them.
Your self-worth does not rest in the hands of some boy, nor should it ever. You’ll find the person who’s worth your love someday, but until then, focus on what makes you great. Men that have a clue are attracted to women who know that they are a catch, not women that are waiting for a man to tell them so.
Once you find one that has a clue, you’ll be respected, loved, and appreciated. You’ll be held like a valuable treasure, not like a trophy. You’ll probably date more than one of them; the first one might not be the right one. But when it is, you’ll know. And you’ll appreciate finding a gem of a man in a world full of boys.
Until then, remember that you are loved: by your family, your friends, by God. And all will be there to support you and love you until the perfect man finally comes to his senses.
If you don’t believe me that strong women are date material, I love this article http://www.salon.com/2014/01/08/feminism_isnt_ruining_your_love_life/?upw