Sincerely, One of Many Guys Who Won’t Change Sexism

Recently a blog post called, “Sincerely, One of Many Girls Who Care” has been getting a lot of Facebook attention. I read it, and had mixed opinions. The author also posted a link to a young man who had written a reply, entitled “Sincerely, One of Many Guys Who Care.” And quite frankly, I was offended by some of what I read.

The format of both posts is the same. They start out by saying “I’m sorry, women(or men) for….” and then listing all of the ways in which women/men are disadvantaged in society romantically. After doing this for a couple paragraphs, they stop and say “ENOUGH with the pity party I’ve thrown you,” then go on to describe why these distractions or temptations shouldn’t keep you from pursuing a life of purity and integrity in romantic endeavors.

I’d like to start by saying that I see the point of both. They’re right that the pressures of the media shouldn’t be an excuse for acting in accordance with your beliefs if you’re a Christian and pursuing a pure and spiritually pleasing lifestyle.

But in presenting this, I found the author’s secondary point upsetting. Keep in mind as you read below that this is written by a man.

But enough with the pity party I have thrown for you.

ENOUGH to the lies that you are ugly or worthless.

ENOUGH to pretending like everything is okay and that you don’t struggle with anything, trying to keep up a facade so that men will be interested.

ENOUGH to being strung along by some jerk because you don’t have the confidence to end a relationship that you KNOW is not honoring to God.

Do any other women feel offended here? In a society which cannot, sadly, be described as devoid of sexism, a man ventures to tell me, a woman, that by complaining about how our culture objectifies women, I’m throwing a “pity party.” I have no words for this.

I agree that I shouldn’t limit my wardrobe to skin tight tops because the media favors scantily clad women. I agree that I shouldn’t become plastic to attract men, or date a man for the wrong reasons. I agree that the world is not responsible for the choices I make.

But what I don’t agree with is what I see as the author’s suggestion: these issues should be ignored. Our media constantly inundates women like me with messages that we’re not skinny enough, pretty enough, or don’t have the right body type. That is a clear problem. I would like the author to try going to a girl who has an eating disorder, or a girl who is made fun of because of her weight, and telling her to get over it, that that’s no excuse to not love yourself.

That will go over well, I’m sure.

These messages are so pervasive and constant that they aren’t something that are easy to ignore, even if you have the encouraging words of scripture on your side. And I shouldn’t have to. While I know life’s not fair and sometimes we have to accept that, ignoring the status quo completely is a cop-out. Men saying that the sexist media should just be ignored is like telling someone under a despotic government that if they’d keep quiet and stop trying to gain rights, they wouldn’t have a problem with the government.

Women shouldn’t have to ignore the barrage of messages. We shouldn’t have to feel objectified. We shouldn’t have to live in a world where we feel pressured to be perfect.

Looking over the comments on this young man’s blog post, it appears that my opinion lands me in the minority. While I agree with his ultimate point that godly women will be appreciated by godly men even if they are seemingly unappreciated by the media, I think that his delivery and implicit assumptions about the place of women in America are anything but inspiring.

Do you disagree? Agree? Comment with your opinions below! I’d love to hear them.


2 thoughts on “Sincerely, One of Many Guys Who Won’t Change Sexism

  1. Hmm… I really enjoyed reading this. I read both posts at first and didn’t see any problems with them, as I find myself stuck wondering if there will ever be someone that will see me through loving eyes such as God’s, so at least knowing that this sort of message is out there is inspiring. But you make excellent points; this guy isn’t doing anything to truly change how women are viewed, but simply gives us a tissue to dry our tears over it. And your comment about going to a girl with a weight problem is a great comparison, it feels like he’s encouraging the ‘just cover up your problems’ issue. Instead of trying to clean up the results, clean up the root of the problem first. But I do somewhat agree with his overall message in sharing God’s love through the eyes of a pure man, though his terminology (pity party) and lack of clarification about how he feels about the media existing (not how it affects him and women) could have been improved a lot.



    • I’m glad you understood where I was coming from! I totally agree that his message about men who are godly was awesome. It’s always nice to have that encouragement! But as you eloquently said, his lack of clarification and terminology distracted me from what would otherwise be an eloquent post. Thanks for reading, Meredith!



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