Vegans Are Going To Trick Me Into Becoming Fat


It’s a saying in Wyoming, that “Vegetarian is an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.” (Actually, though. You can get it on a tee shirt.) Needless to say, the meat-free way of living hasn’t caught on much out West, much less the animal-free virtues of veganism.

Because of this, my first experience with vegan food occurred here at Penn, when my roommate and I started hanging out with a girl in our hall who was vegan. She introduced us to the world of vegan granola, pastries, cupcakes, lasagna…. and macaroons. Hence the picture above.

I can’t quite approximate to you how many macaroons I’ve eaten to date, and even if I could, I’d probably be too embarrassed to share the number. There is something magical about eating what tastes like a glob of coconut cookie dough. They are one of the most delicious things my mouth has ever experienced. I would highly recommend.

My beloved macaroons were free of chemicals, preservatives, and other ickies, and so I never really thought to look at the label. Vegan= healthy, right? Wrong.

My world came crashing down around me right about Macaroon Number Eight when I decided to glance at the label, assuming I’d be wowed. “Negative fifteen calories per serving?! I’m in!” I imagined myself thinking.

The calorie count was the first thing that caught my eye. And it made me sad. I realized that the reason why the macaroons taste so good is that while they’re full of real, unprocessed, natural ingredients, they’re still full of REAL ingredients, like “pure maple sugar.” At 130 calories for two macaroons, they’re certainly satisfying, but not the super-food I’d imagined them to be.

You’d think it it would be more obvious, but I learned a valuable lesson: that “gluten-free” or “vegan” or any of those other health words mean exactly what they say. Literally, gluten-free and vegan mean “without gluten” or “without animal products.” Nowhere in those definitions are included the phrases “zero cal” or “zero sugar” or anything else I’d somehow subconsciously associated with specialty foods.
While I can appreciate the merit of vegan, etc. foods, I’ve learned to be a little more cautious in how I approach them, because, at the end of the day, a “macaroon top” looks just like a “muffin top.”

If you want to get these amazing treats (in moderation!) find them here:
Or pick them up at your local Whole Foods.

Photo credit:


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